Humidity

How in the world does the humidity get INSIDE? I am so sluggish and sleepy and I know thats what it is, well mostly anyway... I got some great rest last night and felt better this morning and now I'm all bleah.

I just want to be in a nice cool swimming pool or something. I need to get a little wading pool for my yard that I can plunk into after mowing. At least my mower has a cup holder : )

By the way, I just love doing other people's jobs so that their ass can be saved yet again, so that they can do the very same thing next year at the end of the fiscal year because they got away with it before!

And from the not-important files, the town I work for has just been officially declared the fastest-growing community in North Carolina, with a growth rate of 122%. No wonder we're all so stressed out and tired and overworked.

Looky looky!

What I wanted was to add a photo to my profile, but I ain't that smart today apparently. So instead, for your viewing enjoyment, are some photos of me, my homestead and my puppy dog Tigger. Hope you enjoy!

At the Christmas party, when I had the pixie cut!  

The cutest, most adorable snuggle bear in the world! 

The back of the house, Tigger, and Ken's Jeep! 

My house! 

The back and side of the house, where the swing is. 

Another view of the barn! 

A view of the backyard.. 

The barn in springtime 

In Virginia... 

Me and my baby (My hair doesn't normally look like that!) 

Tired..

I'm tired today. I don't think I really got caught up on sleep after my trip, and its been kind of a rough couple of days. I had four large cups of coffee yesterday, two of them after 5 pm and I still slept like a rock last night! I haven't even eaten supper the past few days...

Don't have much to talk about, really... not anything of interest and to be honest I'd like to keep things a little dull for a few days! I might go to the beach this weekend, if I can afford the gas. I think I'll be able to but not sure. Is it just me, or is the ratio of how quickly your tank empties relative to the amount in your bank account? It seems like my car's been burning up gas since I'm on a tight budget...

In other news, I went here to adopt a US Soldier to write to - I don't like that we are at war but I figure its the least I can do - those poor souls are over there doing I don't know what and not knowing what they will see next.

Also I've renewed my vow to become a great southern cook. I love southern cookin' but haven't ever gotten the hang of it, really, even though I am a southerner. So last night I bought a big bag of black eyed peas to cook with some onion and salt pork.. and make some cornbread to go with it. Yum! Maybe I'll do that tonight... I also bought some corn on the cob to roast on the grill.

But what really interests me is the desserts....

Mama Was Right, Again

That's not a country song title, but it could be couldn't it? Maybe I'll write one to go with it...

Mama always wanted me to be so careful about choosing my playmates and friends, who I spent my time with and was influenced by. It used to aggravate me - the way she thought no one was good enough for me and how harshly she judged. I'm not saying she was right, but over the years I have come to understand why she was like that, and to realize the preciousness of choosing carefully those who are in my life to love and be loved by, and of allowing God to send them to me. Seeing my nieces go through heartaches with their own bad friendships teaches me, as well.

I know I have a big mouth and there are many times I open it too wide or too harshly, but at least I recognize it and always, always apologize for it (Sarah, that's another good manner thing I was taught). I try to choose my words carefully and never speak from anger although we all know its impossible to do that 100% of the time. In fact I was reading Romans in the Bible last night, which speaks of all kinds of instructions for us to try to follow; including speaking nicely and doing our best to live in peace with all. As a nonconfrontational person, I strive to do those things naturally because that is who I am, who I want to be - a kind person. Yet I have paid the price many a time - when I do speak about something I feel strongly about, not all who know me understand it as me just speaking my thoughts. Those I am closest to understand that often I am relating to something we've been discussing, or musing or telling a story. There are others who I guess do not know me so well, and think that I am attacking them or that everything I am talking about is directed towards them. And then I am made to feel like a horrid wicked harpy who has nothing better to do than sit around and bitch and moan. That isn't what I strive to be, but there are times when I will speak my mind because I am strong enough to do so. I never wish to speak out of animosity or hate because I do not like to carry those feelings around inside of me. It doesn't leave room for the good ones and the good ones feel much, much better. I'd rather throw out hugs than darts, regardless of popular belief.

I know there are probably many strangers who come across this and might think I carry a lot of chips on my shoulders or splinters in my heart. What I really try to carry is lessons learned and the hope and optimism of the beauty of humans and life and the strength and forgiveness of Christ that He taught. Do I always succeed? No. I wasn't meant to - I was meant to make mistakes so I could become stronger, and more aware of what is best for me.

So once again, Mama was right and I realize that more than ever I must think about what I give to others and what I receive in return, and continue to seek out those who give me that feeling of definite love and understanding so that that is what I put back out into the world. There are enough mean people. I don't strive to be one of them.

Besides, it's my damn blog and I'll write whatever I want to.

Oh yeah..one more thing...

I was really glad I didn't have a guy with me at that water park - now, some guys are very polite and appreciative enough of the girl they're with to either ignore the female scenery or at least be discreet about noticing it, or talk about it with me. Some guys I've known though would've had whiplash by the end of the day, or been pointing out to me how hot so and so was and if *I* went to the gym enough I'd look like that. I mean, I appreciate good looking people - male or female - just fine. But have some manners! I was once at the beach with someone I was dating and we saw a very attractive young lady who was either the mother of or the nanny of a small child. The guy I was with said "You know what you say to someone like that? 'Want another one?'"

I don't see this as being a jealous bitch - I see it as that you ought to have the decency and good manners to try to make the person you are with feel good and special and not that you are doing them a huge favor by going out with them and meanwhile looking around at all the ass that you *ahem* REALLY deserve and could have.

So, I have to say it was nice to go to Geyser Falls and see all these people - thin, curvy, large, muscular, tubby, whatever and to see them all as beautiful people, because they were there smiling and laughing and having a good time with their friends and families. That's another thing I like about the South - people ARE better looking it seems, but maybe that's because they're relaxed and happy, and they're enjoying and living their lives and loving the people they are around.

*hums "Dixie"*

L.A.(Raleigh-Durham) lights burn like hell once you know....

...you left heaven waiting down the Dixie Road (From Lee Greenwood's "Dixie Road"

Maybe I'll start using country music songs for my blog titles! I'm supposed to be doing payables but I am going to write up the vacation first so I can work with an easy mind. I left last Saturday and the trip down was a real treat. It was a beautiful day out and the further south I got the prettier it got - so green and clean. I felt like I was running away from home and loved it! I didn't have much money and I had a bad scare when I found out my gas card was maxed out, but it worked out ok. I arrived at Paula's house just after dark to find her icing a strawberry cake, and my nieces running around doing various things and Henry holding the new baby boy whom I immediately snatched away! He is LITTLE, so much littler it seems than the girls were. He looks like his daddy, but he sleeps and eats like his grandaddy. If he's on his back sleeping in your arms, he throws his little head back and his mouth drops wide open. So sweet. I bought him some onesies, one of which says "If you think I'm cute, you should see my aunt!" I meant to get a picture of him in it, with me holding him but I didn't.

Sunday morning I went to church with them and we met Daddy there and then had lunch afterwards. Poor Daddy had to buy US lunch for Father's Day! Then that afternoon I drove to him and Mama's house and took a nice nap and when I woke up Mama had cooked supper - steak and mushroom gravy over bread and steamed broccolli, so good. The next day we all lazed around and slept and read and sat outside, and then Daddy and I went to town and got the mail and some groceries. Daddy made supper that night - chicken on the grill and corn on the cob. That corn was SO good!! He wrapped it in foil with some butter and put it on the grill.
Tuesday I helped him in the yard for about four hours - something I didn't know I could do! It wasn't too hot and humid though, so that helped. I guess those workouts are helping because I was lifting four foot logs like a champ. He was so grateful to me for helping but I enjoyed it. Its the least I could do.
Wednesday morning Mama went to take the girls to Tupelo, since Merrie Kate had a cavity and needed to see the dentist. I had stayed up late reading so I didn't go, but I went back over to Paula's and met them there. First I stopped at Ward's in Vardaman to get some gas, and a ham and cheese sandwich and a Dr. Pepper. You wouldn't think those sandwiches would be good but they just ARE - its a hamburger bun, with a thick slice of ham and American Cheese, all squashed together, wrapped in foil and stuck in one of those heated glass display things for hours on end. Then I went by Sweet Potato Sweets and got a couple of mini sweet potato pies. I recognized the woman working there but couldn't think of her name for nothing - she knew me, though. Everyone recognized me. I used to hate that - this time, it was kind of nice.

At Paula's I ended having an out-of-nowhere nervous breakdown about having to come back, which I hated to do but they seemed OK with it. I don't like the girls to see me upset though. Thursday we all went to Wal Mart and then MK and I went for a bike ride, then we all ate tuna casserole and watched some TV. An ad for Sonic came on and that was all I needed to see - I had to go get me a banana split so me and the girls went out and got one. I couldn't sleep that night. I was still so sad about having to come back. I was having such a good time and even though things aren't perfect there, and I wouldn't want to stay there forever, I want to be there more than anything. Mama was asleep, or at least pretending along with me that I wasn't crying. I found myself, for some reason, wanting desperately to go into the girls' room and be with them, as if an 11 year old and a 13 year old had all the answers in the world. It seemed to me, that they did. Didn't I, when I was their ages? I still feel the same as I did in the fifth grade, it seems like. I guess I hit the maturity peak at that age and that is why I'm so messed up. I think I started backtracking for several years and messed up some things then too. Now I'm filled with all this self doubt all of a sudden. What do I know? Nothing, that's what. I'm no expert on anything and here I've been acting like I am all this time. I don't even know how to set a goal, and achieve it. So my first goal is to set one and achieve it!

Friday morning all of us except Jackson, who stayed home with Mama, and Daddy who was at work, piled in the van and headed down to Philadelphia to go to Geyser Falls, a water park near the casinos. I didn't think I was a fan of such things but I had a darn good time and only got a little bit sunburned. It wasn't too crowded, either. I need to get past my dislike of crowds - I think it keeps me from being adventurous and having some fun times.

Saturday I was exhausted! I didn't leave to come back until 1:30 and I didn't get choked up except when my girls hugged me and told me they loved me. I guess I've been kind of emotionally numb ever since and some events in the past couple of days haven't helped. But like I said, I'll be ok. I look forward to going back in October to see Jesslyn cheer at a ballgame (I went last year and it got cancelled!) and of course Christmas. And there's plenty to do and enjoy the times in between, as well. I think I am going to the beach this weekend, in fact.

OK, I have to do my payables. Sorry if this wasn't too cheery - just bear with me and I'll be back to my bouncy self in a few days!

Muddlin Thru

I think I might be depressed. I'm no expert like Tom Cruise is (pompous ass) but I think when the cat throws up on the bed while you're in it, and you don't care, that could be a sign of either fatigue or depression. I don't want to go into it on here.. just several small things adding up. I will be fine, like I always turn out to be... yesterday evening I saw the most amazing sight, this huge sunbeam coming up out of the clouds at sunset - usually the beams are coming down but this one was coming up and it was all peachy and pink and glowing. It literally made me stop at an intersection and just stare. It was like God was telling me its ok, I'm here with you even if its hard to tell... and you'll make it thru all this just hold on... I keep trying to think about it. I also read a bit of the Bible last night and that helped too. I'm probably just worn out.

Thank you Lord for COFFEE!!! I'm off to refill my cup. And I promise to write about the vacation soon.

My Wrist Hurts

So I wasn't on the computer for most of a week and when I was, it was only for a few minutes. Now I've been on one all day. Therefore my wrist is killing me. I can't seem to find a comfortable spot for my computer. I'm feeling kind of frazzled and irritable, too. Hopefully working out will cure that. I also have to drive to Fuquay Varina tonight to take one of my foster cats to his potential new home. I am going to miss him so much but I guess its for the best.

I want out of this. I'm giving myself one year to get out. One year to pay off as much debt as possible and save up some money, then sell my house and move back to the family. Then after a couple of years I want to move up to the mountains - they would love to live there too, so I'm hoping we'll all go at the same time. I just had such a wonderful time with them last week - I wish I was still there. I know a year will go by quickly. I'm trying to set small goals - I realized I don't know how to set goals and actually achieve them. So although I have a lot of them swimming in my head, my first one is to finish getting in shape. And I'll whittle away on the others (paying off debt, saving money and writing).

I'll write up the vacation tomorrow.

I'm Back...

Well, I'm back from vacation.. unfortunately! I don't have time right now to write a full update - let me get a few things done here at work and then I'll write a nice, long, boring entry.

Let's get those bets together!

From today's "Whatever" files, I guess we had better go ahead and start placing our bets on the length of Tom & Katie and Paris & Paris. Please place your bets on the following for each couple:

1. Length of engagement
2. Whether engagement ends or they actually marry
3. If they marry, length of marriage
4. First couple to have kids (whether married or not)

Here are my gambles.
For Tom & Katie:
1. 8 -14 months
2. Engagement will break off

For Paris & Paris
1. 4 months
2. Marriage in a huge lavish televised ceremony
3. 4-6 years of marriage
4. I say they have a kid within the first year of being married.

Countdown to Vacation!

Well I made it through the week... the car is at Tire King right now, getting an inspection sticker and oil change and tires checked. All that's left to do is mail a couple of things, clean out the car, tidy up the house and do laundry and pack. I'm rarin' to go, too. It will be good to see the family and to just relax.

I'm considering going a week without email or blogging but am not sure I can take the withdrawals. So, you might see postings, but probably not. Anytime I get on the computer my niece usually comes and hangs over my shoulder to see what I'm doing! I'm sure you can all survive the week... who knows, you might even enjoy the peace and quiet ; )

Now I have to go hunt down some coffee.

Go Me

Well, I figured out why the time wasn't right - it was set on PST instead of EST! I also found where I could set up links but for some reason that isn't showing up yet.

I can't decide if I should feel smart or dumb.

Happy Thursday!

Wow, this week has flown by! I knew it would with all I had to do.. but I'm hanging in there and doing all right. Gonna try to get a lot done at work today, and then I have to work at my other job tonight meaning I will be TIRED tomorrow! The only thing I haven't gotten done is to get the oil changed and an inspection sticker and clean out the car but I had planned to do that on Friday anyway. I also have to clean up the house a bit. Sweetie-pie Chad has generously agreed to swing by the Farm a few times while I'm gone to feed and check on the kitties and get my mail. I offered to let him stay there as I have excellent A/C and his recently quit, but he's fostering a new 5 month old dog and is still trying to get him settled. At least he bought a window unit.

Last night I helped at the missions banquet at church which is always fun and refreshing, too. There is a trip to Italy planned in February to help the city get ready for the Winter Olympics and to do some music and stuff and I definitely plan on going on that one. Its a good time of year for me and I'll have enough vacation saved up by then - I might also get permission to save up my comp time so I know I'll have enough.

I hate that I'm kind of broke.. I love to be able to buy stuff for my girls (and boy, now!) before I head home. I'll find some way to spoil them. And I will be getting some baby gifts for Jackson definitely.

Must get some work done....

The Chorus

For the benefit of our non-country music fan readers, the chorus to the aforementioned song.. its about a boy who proclaims his love for his girl on the town water tower, using John Deere green colored spray paint.

In John Deere green
On a hot summer night
He wrote "Billy Bob loves Charlene"
In letters 3 foot high
And the whole town said that he should've used red
But it looked good to Charlene
In John Deere green


I guess one thing I like about country music is that its not afraid to make fun of itself or its listeners....

In John Deere Green...

(In case some of you aren't into country music, that's a song from the late 90's...)

I am now the proud owner of a John Deere L100 series lawn mower. It's pretty spiffy and a good mower - it probably hates me though because I put it through hell yesterday! I didn't really mean to, though - the grass was so tall it was hard to see if there were sticks under there. Most of them were small though so it was no biggie. The guy who brought it was very nice and not condescending at all. They also delivered it with oil and gas already in it, so it was ready to go. I didn't start till about seven, but it only took me an hour and a half (It has a time counter on it) to mow all of my property. Except for the back edge of the property, anything I didn't mow was because I couldn't get there on the mower. I need a weedeater, I'm pretty sure Daddy said I could have his old one. The only hard part was the front yard next to the highway. I knew the property sloped downward but I didn't realize how steep it was. So that was a little scary. Also, I was delighted to find that I had a huge batch of Tiger Lilies growing in the yard - I just couldn't see them because they faced the back of the property and I hadn't been out in the yard because of the tall grass. I love Tiger Lilies and had been considering stopping on the side of the road and picking some but now I have my own!! Also, some of the wild strawberries had gotten really big, so that was neat to see. I haven't tried eating them. The only bad part was the spiderwebs. Between every single inanimate object was a huge spiderweb and I took ALL of them down with my face or arms. Luckily there were no spiders - I probably would've run into a tree or something trying to get it off me. Tigger was a GOOD boy and sat on the porch the whole time I mowed and watched me. He came and rode with me for a minute or two but decided he didn't like it and went back to the porch. He's become quite the country hound dog.

So this is what I'm thinking. It took me an hour and a half to mow my whole yard. Granted, I didn't do any weedeating, but I mowed more than the guy I'd hired awhile back had mowed. And I paid him $100 the first time, and the grass was about as tall as it was last night. And $60 each time after that! If he'd kept up doing it he would've been making $40 an hour at that rate and made more the first time. No wonder he apologized for his email and asked to come back. No, thank you - my mower payment is $40 a month - huge savings!

Besides, I have to admit. I loved driving that damn thing. It was just a riding mower. But it was MINE. I love machinery. It's a nice mower, too - acceleration is just like a car's, how much you push on the gas/clutch, instead of shifting from one speed to the next. Its really easy to change the cutting level with a handheld lever and it's started with a key. No more ruining my back trying to pull a cord just right! And of course, the much-discussed beverage holder. I'm pretty sure it also has a headlight. I'll get a picture up as soon as I can. I can now honestly say that I take care of my entire place now. It looks good sitting next to the barn, too. And my hair looked neat when I was done - it was all big and curly from the humidity. But I definitely recommend the purchase of, or at least driving of, something like this for the ladies. It's a huge confidence boost. Sitting on that yellow seat, cutting a wide swarth of destruction....

Further proof that I do not ever again NEED a man. There is a big difference between need and want and sometimes it's hard to distinguish, and it's hard for others to tell. But I can honestly say it. I don't NEED a man to do the work. I WANT one to help with the work. : D Preferably one who looks good without his shirt on.

Also, all may rest easy on the toenails. I just took the polish off and trimmed them.
But I still want a tiger.

I Must Be Bored

Either that or tired. No, it must be boredom. Today is Lawn Mower Delivery Day, hurrah! Promptly followed by actual mowing. I hope the delivery/setup guy isn't condescending.. I will have to hurt him if he is and I'd hate to do that. Its too much to hope for that he'll be young and cute - all I ask is for non-condescending behavior. Soo, the fact that I'm excited by that is an indication I'm bored. I also want a tiger (yes, a real one - actually, I've always wanted one of those) and I'm considering letting my toenails grow and file them into points like claws. Wouldn't that look good with flip-flops.... ; )

I wouldn't do that of course, but the fact that it occured to me that I COULD definitely indicates something. Also, I nearly butchered my eyebrows the other night because I was feeling lonely.

Beauty Tip for the Day:
If you're feeling lonely/bored/frustrated, DON'T take it out on your eyebrows.. or your hair.. or anything like that, for instance. It will rarely make you feel better. At least think about it for a few days, and don't do it late at night.

It's real hot here. I know that's grammatically incorrect but that seems to be the only way to really say it. Southern language is much more expressive, if you ask me. All these damn Yankees have drummed it out of me... must recapture it.

First Month's Results!

Yesterday before my workout I got weighed and measured to check on my progress. Mind you, I wasn't expecting much difference, especially since I missed the last two weeks of working out due to being sick. That said, I feel that the results were mixed just right enough to motivate me to keep with it and keep eating well.

Weight - I was up 1.5 lbs, but my body fat percentage had decreased by .40%
Measurements
Bust - lost 1/2 inch (yay!)
Waist - lost 1 inch (yay again!)
Abdomen - increased by 1.25 inches - yikes. I'd been feeling like the spare tire was a little more inflated recently though - she said sometimes if you're building muscle underneath it will pooch out more until the fat starts to burn.
Hips - gained an inch.
Thighs - no change
Arms - lost a little over 1 inch! I had thought they were more toned but figured it was just my imagination.

So even though the increases were a bummer, they also motivated me to work harder. Even though yesterday was my first workout in a while, I did the whole 3 circuits rather than 2 1/2. If I can keep it up, by fall I should be looking pretty good!

If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat!

That was the central message of the sermon yesterday. The topic was failure, and the fact that it is completely normal. And just because you fail, doesn't mean that you quit trying. You just try again, and "fail better"(it took Edison 2,000 tries to get the filament right for the light bulb). It was about not staying where things are comfy and cozy - that it's scary to take risks and think about failure, but we can be rewarded beyond our wildest dreams if we can step out of that boat to follow God's calling for us. To me, this meant to keep on with my writing - to not look at the storm outside the boat (This references to the story in the Bible, when Jesus appeared to the disciples as they were struggling in their boat during a storm. They thought he was a ghost, but he told them not to be afraid. And then Peter stepped out of the boat and began to walk on the water towards Christ, but for one minute he took his eyes off of his Teacher and looked instead at the winds and storm and became afraid, and that is when he sank.), but to keep my eyes on my Father who loves me and wants to give me plenty of excitement and adventure in my life. He knows even better than I do what I desire in my life, and I really do believe if I continue to work and answer this calling, He will make my dreams come true. For too long I have believed that God is this stern judgmental old man, waiting to punish me or make me miserable when I screw up. In fact it is the opposite - He loves us more than we can fathom, we just have to accept that love. Yes, he will discipline us as a wordly parent would - but we will always grow stronger and benefit from that discipline if we keep our faith. Everyone and God himself knows that I am not perfect and I will never claim to be. In fact, that is how I intend to use my writing to reach out to others - to say its OK to be imperfect and blow it from time to time - He'll always be there waiting. I used to hate talking about faith and how I felt. I do still believe that it is a private and personal thing, a person's relationship with God the Father and our Saviour, Jesus. But now that I know the joy - the pure elation and freedom of knowing them - its hard to be quiet about it. I'm not ashamed to say it or stand up for it, but I will never judge another if they are different and I don't try to force my own beliefs on others. Like I said, its a personal relationship - and He made each of us different, so that relationship is of course going to be different! Remember that Jesus himself was a rebel - he liked to defy society, and shake things up, keep things exciting. I think he also had a pretty good sense of humor. Don't be afraid to be yourself with either The Father or The Son - it is what they want, what they crave. Be angry, be hurt, be joyful, be praising, be asking, be questioning. Its all ok and they can handle it.
I admit my spiritual battery has been feeling a bit dull recently so I'm trying to recharge it. I'm telling you - that feeling of elation is addictive like nothing else I've ever known and I've known a lot!! I remember reading something recently on a website where a guy said that he "wasn't stupid enough to believe in God". I guess I can see how many people have that view. But you know, I've never felt smarter and more confident and happy in my life since embracing that belief and that love that was there waiting for me the whole time.

Anyway - so I'm telling myself, Yeah, I want to see how it feels to walk on top of that water. So I'm getting out of the boat. No lifejacket required, either!

Busy Week Ahead

I've got a really busy week ahead, but I've gotten a good start! I did some good relaxing this weekend and I'm pretty much over my sinus thing, I think. I was early for work and pleased with my outfit/hair/makeup.

So. I've got a lot to do at work and a lot to do outside of work too. Today for instance, at lunchtime I think I'm supposed to go deliver for Meals on Wheels. That means I'll go work out after work - and today is weigh-in/measurements day. I don't expect to see much result, since I missed the last week and a half of exercising due to being sick. Then I need to get some groceries and a few supplies. Tomorrow I leave early because my mower is finally being delivered (hooray!) and then I'll be mowing like a madwoman. I've got my own little slice of the Amazon right now. Wednesday after work I'm helping at the Missions Banquet at church. Thursday after work I have to work at my other job for a couple of hours. But Friday I plan to leave a couple of hours early so I can get some things done before the trip - inspection sticker, oil change, clean the house, laundry and pack, etc. In addition to all this I need to pay bills, arrange for care for the cats, and a bunch of other little things. I almost didn't make it to church yesterday but I'm glad I did.. it really recharged my batteries. More on that later.

Hopefully the week will go by quickly, and then I'll be heading to Mississippi to see the family and my new nephew!

A Day for Witty Lists

Please do check out http://jokerdog.blogspot.com to observe the inspiration for this list. I would like to state that my list is an original one, composed by little ol' me. I have lots of time to do this sort of thing, as I'm not making some guy miserable right now ; )
That was humorous sarcasm, by the way. No need to leave ranting comments or emails.

Ten Reasons Dogs are Better Than Men
1. The dog is always happy to see you.
2. The dog will never hesitate to cheer you up when you are sad or compare how HIS day was so much worse.
3. The dog is always grateful for being allowed to sleep next to you in your bed.
4. Ditto on the food and affection you give the dog.
5. Your dog thinks you are beautiful all the time.
6. The dog will never check out other owners to see if he could maybe get one that is prettier/smarter/younger/richer/more fun.
7. When he whines, he can usually be comforted by food or petting or playing.
8. Isn't obsessed with his job or money
9. Is thrilled to go on trips with you
10. Never ducks away when you reach out for a hug.

Hooray for doggies, and the sweet men out there who try their best to be like them.

I did it!

I finally started The Book. The one that I'm going to finish, that will be the first novel I try to submit to Christian publishing houses. Getting started was the hardest part, but I prayed for inspiration and that elusive FIRST SENTENCE finally came to me. Now I suppose finishing will the be the hard part! Then getting an agent.. then getting it published... but I'm not afraid of it anymore. I truly feel it is my calling, and if I do my part and just try, the Good Father will take care of the rest. I may post it as a serial on my blog or do a separate one for it so you can all read it and gleefully toss your criticism my way.

In other news, I got my evaluation for work and got the one point needed for a raise, hurrah! I almost got 2 points.. that would've been nice but oh well. Yesterday and today have been insane at work.. not even able to take a lunch either day.... but tonight we get paid and tomorrow is Friday!

Now I just need the lawn mower place to call and say when they will deliver my mower (Saturday, please!) and things will be fine....

Using Inspiration

Obviously I'm in a blogging mood today!

I think my dream was given to me so I could have some inspiration for my romance fiction. Obviously I can write my character's non-need for a man in her life but when he does come along I need to be able to relate those feelings too. And since there's no romance lingering around, God was nice enough to give me a dream to remind me how it feels....

Also, has anyone out there reading this married to their high-school sweetheart? As in, we never dated anyone else and got married as soon as we could and we're still deliriously happy and never wonder who or what else is out there? Sarah and I have been wondering what that is like and if it really works. I recently tried to reunite with my very first love and at first it seemed extremely promising - then it crashed and burned. On my side, anyway. He was ready for rings and babies. It's too bad, because he's a good one. The feelings just didn't last, though. I'm not the same person I was in seventh grade. (That's a good thing).

Maybe that's more inspiration.. a book of what could've been.. take one couple and write four or five different scenarios for them. Can the few who are reading this let me know if that sounds like a good read?

Kudos

I forgot to give kudos!

For calling to check on me and cheer me up, golf claps for Chad, Duncan, Ken and Moriah;

For concerned emails and get-well wishes, golf claps for Sarah and Mindy.

Its nice to be, and feel, loved : ) And I love all of you, too.

One of Those Dreams

I was having a lovely dream this morning which caused me to oversleep, and its one of those that sort of stays with you all day and shakes you up a bit. For some reason I was traveling with/socializing with this band - and it seemed like it was this band I know called Karmella's Game, who toured two years ago with my friend Doug's band Second Saturday which he is no longer a part of and no one will tell me why! But the people in it seemed a little different. What I remember most is becoming attached to one of the members, a cute and sweet guy. Don't know his name. I think he might've been younger than me by a couple of years; but he was short and on the small side so maybe I was just thinking that. At some point we were all at my mom's house and he and I were walking and talking about how we could make this work long-distance...and i was telling him it was actually good timing, because I had some plans for my life that I needed to work out and a casual but committed relationship could work with that. He picked some tiny wildflowers for me. The part I remember most is he took a shower before they were going to leave, and he came out all clean and scrubbed, in a white tshirt and jeans, looking and smelling oh so good and he hugged me and hugged me.
It was nice.

I've been telling myself I do not want or need to fall for someone right now, as I need to make plans for what I want in life and where I want to be without any interference. Besides, I don't know if I trust myself. But I've always loved love, it's a fact. I've still got that feeling from the dream, that giddy, someone-likes-me and i'm happy feeling and its WEIRD. Am I cheating myself by not being open to even a short-term fun love? Or being smart?

Not that there's a line of them waiting or anything, but you know.

And he was a musician, too. I love musicians.

Moriah, in addition to my emotion-ectomy, I would like to request that part of my brain that likes cute, sweet musicians who smell good - or any cute guy who smells good and smiles a lot for that matter - be removed. Thank you.

Muddling Through

Still sick. Stayed home yesterday, and would love to be home today, but need to be at work. Tigger is also sick - he got a flea bite, had an allergic reaction to it, and chewed at it until it became infected. He had several irritations on him, but the worst one was on his back, right above his tail. They had to shave that patch, which is about 3 inches by 3 inches. He is very embarrassed by it. He is also taking Prednisone and an antibiotic. The skin looked much better today, but he's still not quite himself. Yesterday all he did was sleep, right next to me. His skin hurt too much for him to walk much so I had to carry him outside, or to the kitchen or put him on the bed with me if he got down. Poor little scout - he's so brave and good! But I really missed Mama yesterday - being sick and fatigued, and having no clean pots or pans nor any soup to make in them, and no money to order any delivery food, and taking care of the dog.. I needed someone to bring ME food and medicine, and go out for candy bars and magazines and keep the house somewhat straightened.
*sigh*

Stumbling Block

It never fails. I get in a good routine - making it to work each day, completing all my tasks on time like paying bills, and keeping up with the housework, and exercising regularly. And then I get sick. Last week my allergies were really bad and Friday a.m. I awoke to a lovely sinus infection. All day Saturday and Sunday I had that achy-fatiguey thing going on and spent most of my time in bed or on the couch. I did manage to get a few chores done, and to take Tigger to the vet for routine work, and cut his hair. He was a good boy and took great care of me all weekend long.
Round of applause for Chad who called to check in and make sure I had everything I needed (He actually called to apologize for missing church but I didn't go either! Then he heard I was sick.), Ken for picking me up a CD of the sermon and Mama and Daddy for offering to come and get me. I wish! I HATE being alone when I'm sick. That's really the only time I crave having someone around badly, is when I'm sick. It sucks to have to take care of yourself. I felt icky this morning but made it in to work, and will probably leave a bit early. I know I can't exercise today, but I hope to be back in the workout regimen by Wednesday. We'll see.

Icky Day

Its cool and dark and raining. I hate my job. I just got paid on Friday and I'm already $45 short. My hair is frizzy and the shape of a yield sign and i have two white zits, one on each side/under my nose, perfectly parallel to each other. My outfit looks stupid. I feel like some people just use me, my friendship - only calling on me when they need me or if I'm doing something they're interested in. I can recognize it because I used to be that way.

And dammit, i could get out of this place if I just made myself WRITE! I've decided I want to get a degree in history - I love history and it would be nice to be able to write about different eras.

I know my attitude needs adjusting, but I could use a little help from above in the form of some encouragement! Until then, I shall continue to sulk and feel sorry for myself and add various toxins to my body to feel better.

Actually, I think I'll go work out after work - they frown upon coming two days in a row but i need the endorphin high.

Also, why doesn't this thing calculate the time correctly? Why do I have to change it? It changes the date!!
Speaking of date, thats another thing I probably won't ever have again.