Damn, I just love Mondays. Let's start off with the fact that I wake up at 5 am and can't go back to sleep and my ear hurts and my stomach isn't feeling well. Its pitch black and raining like Noah never dreamed and I have to work until at least 9 pm tonight.
Then, Tigger goes outside and stays there and I should've gone out to get him because it's raining and he never goes out in the rain, at least not for very long. I should've KNOWN that he was out there with that dead squirrel. See, the cat brought me a dead squirrel Saturday night, I suppose in protest of the fact that he hadn't been able to eat since that morning, poor abused cat, as we had run out of cat food and I hadn't been to the store yet. Since it was ten at night and raining, I just got the shovel and, while making lots of girly ew, gross, yuck, you stupid fucking cat noises, took the squirrel to the creek. I did at least apologize to the squirrel for not giving it a proper Christian burial.
So apparently this morning Tigger has squirrel for breakfast. Because, on the way to work, he gets in the backseat and Chad, my carpool buddy says "Dude, your dog just threw up all OVER your purse."
I thought he was just being an ass. "No, he didn't. Stop that."
"DUDE! He threw UP, and it's... Oh, my God! It's SO gross!"
It was not just gross. It was the grossest thing I've ever seen in my life.
Until five seconds later, when he (Tigger, not Chad) did what dogs do and started to eat the throw up.
Well by then we were ALL ready to throw up. What a shitty, shitty way to start the day! Well, Tigger felt awful and came and sat on my lap (since Chad wouldn't let him on his, and kept him at bay by holding up the dog's kittycat beach towel like a modesty curtain) and looked sad and I told him it was ok, that you can't help it when you have throw up but WHY did you have to eat the squirrel!
So we get to Chad's workplace and he runs in and gets paper towels and a trash bag for me. I have a trash bag, too, so I use it as a makeshift glove and manage to get it cleaned up. I only threw up once.
Tigger just sat on the front seat with his head bowed down, looking forlorn.
I hate it when I'm torn between hugging my dog and screaming at him.
And now, I'm freezing because squirrel barf got on my sweaters in the backseat so I don't have any extra layers to put on. To top it all off, when I started writing this entry, Celine Dion was *singing*
O Holy Night and now Gloria Estefan is singing
Christmas Through Your Eyes or some shit like that.
Why isn't anybody playing the Grinch song??
