Bad Mood Tuesday
I'm in a bad mood. And don't try to cheer me up. I feel like being ferocious and scowly, thank you very much. I realize that lately I hold myself back on blogging and why? Why do I still feel a need to present that pristine, sweet, happy front to everyone. Act like I'm good, tell fun perky stories. And why? This is my online diary. I should be able to write whatever the fuck I want to and if someone doesn't like it they don't have to come back and read more.
What is my problem? Why do I feel responsible for everyone? Why do I edit myself in order to protect others? Why do I have this need to act like I'm good at everything all the time?
The truth is, I suck at everything.
Well, that's not true. Actually I'm pretty kick-ass. But sometimes I really feel like I can't do anything right and I'm such a shitty person. Again, this is not an attempt for you to load compliments on me or reassure me or tell me the sun'll come out tomorrow. I know all that and recently I feel I have hit that mark where I do get up every morning and keep going and keep moving on, instead of coming to a screeching halt and falling apart like I used to.
I have so many good people in my life and I feel like I don't deserve them and I don't want to let them down. But the things I do sometimes that I perceive as "bad" or "how could you?" - are they really that bad? Does it mean I'm a horrible person?
In other news, poor Tigger had to go to the ER vet last night. He had bad skin from flea bites - I have to bomb the house, and treat the yard ASAP - and he had to.... this is cringeworthy.. but his anal duct glands were clogged, something that is not unusual in dogs apparently. They just have to reach in and massage it and it relieves the stuff. Said it should be done every six weeks. He was a champion when they did that.. I couldn't even watch and I'm all puckered up just thinking about it. But he felt better afterwards.
The hardest part was having to leave him at Ken's. I would rather have cut my heart out than do that, but I couldn't stay over - I didn't have any clothes for work today - and I had to go home and get his medicine and snacks and stuff anyway.
I fucking love that dog more than my own life. I'm glad he's going to be OK - he was feeling somewhat better this morning, apparently.
And so will I. I just feel like being a beeyotch right now is all. It's part of who I am - I've got to let her out to play now and then.
What is my problem? Why do I feel responsible for everyone? Why do I edit myself in order to protect others? Why do I have this need to act like I'm good at everything all the time?
The truth is, I suck at everything.
Well, that's not true. Actually I'm pretty kick-ass. But sometimes I really feel like I can't do anything right and I'm such a shitty person. Again, this is not an attempt for you to load compliments on me or reassure me or tell me the sun'll come out tomorrow. I know all that and recently I feel I have hit that mark where I do get up every morning and keep going and keep moving on, instead of coming to a screeching halt and falling apart like I used to.
I have so many good people in my life and I feel like I don't deserve them and I don't want to let them down. But the things I do sometimes that I perceive as "bad" or "how could you?" - are they really that bad? Does it mean I'm a horrible person?
In other news, poor Tigger had to go to the ER vet last night. He had bad skin from flea bites - I have to bomb the house, and treat the yard ASAP - and he had to.... this is cringeworthy.. but his anal duct glands were clogged, something that is not unusual in dogs apparently. They just have to reach in and massage it and it relieves the stuff. Said it should be done every six weeks. He was a champion when they did that.. I couldn't even watch and I'm all puckered up just thinking about it. But he felt better afterwards.
The hardest part was having to leave him at Ken's. I would rather have cut my heart out than do that, but I couldn't stay over - I didn't have any clothes for work today - and I had to go home and get his medicine and snacks and stuff anyway.
I fucking love that dog more than my own life. I'm glad he's going to be OK - he was feeling somewhat better this morning, apparently.
And so will I. I just feel like being a beeyotch right now is all. It's part of who I am - I've got to let her out to play now and then.
posted by Natalie | 7:50 AM
2 Comments:
I distinctly remember James Herriot having to squeeze the hind end of a small dog to make her poo.... maybe you can learn how to do it? :D
There are some things best left to the professionals! And this involves um.. internal squeezing.
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