Big Fat Sob Story

I know, I know. I've been in hiding, and I'm sorry. Part of me has wanted so badly to blog, the other part of me said don't go spill your life onto the internet until you're back in control. I'm learning to sleep on things, to give myself some time before I blow off the handle and get hysterical. It's an everyday process. So here we go, and one thing that happened will get its own entry. I'm just going to say now that if you're pregnant, or just had a baby, or are emotional in any way you might not want to read it. So there's my disclaimer.

About two weeks ago I got sick and it turned out to be strep in my nose. So I missed four days of work. The day I went to the doctor, I came home and found that my cat Carlos (of the dead squirrel fame) had gotten run over. (that will get its own entry) I was depressed to the point of being crippled by grief and therefore irrational. Apparently my behavior was just a little too much for the seemingly sweet and genuine guy I'd been seeing and he became first distant and not keen on seeing me, then just didn't call for a few days. We'd had a near breakup a couple of weeks before this but he saved himself just in time and things were going really well, until this happened. He finally got the balls to meet me for lunch so we could officially end things and he cited several weak excuses which I politely and calmly did not let him get away with. We parted, amicably I thought. I won't go into details but there's been some shit to deal with from that over the past couple of days. Add this to work, keeping up with my house, etc. - I've been a bit volatile.

I just haven't felt like writing. I'm doing pretty well, to tell the truth. I'm cheerful and functioning thanks to the aforementioned happy pills and I have so many wonderful friends and coworkers who support me in my everyday dramas.

The worst part about the breakup with this guy was this: he was allergic to cats so he couldn't come hang out at my house for more than an hour or two. I was so devastated when I lost the kitty that even the thought that he could come over now didn't give me any comfort, but it was still a point to be made. Now, I don't have my kitty or him. The most bitter of ironies.

I want the cat back a whole lot more than I want him back.

So now, I'm just trying to focus on being in more control of my everyday life and being myself and making some hard decisions. So be patient, dear readers - like Gwen sings, I'm just a girl and sometimes this girl gets handed a bit more than she can deal with at times and it has been that way recently. I know there are people out there who are dealing with much worse scenarios, which is why I don't like to whine. But I wanted to explain the hiatus.

I love you all.

P.S. I know I'm better off - he wasn't strong enough for me!