What was wrong
This dish asked in a comment to my last post, "What's wrong?"
That was really sweet.
I'm feeling much better now. I totally forgot that I was/am going thru nicotine withdrawal which makes everything bad about six hundred thousand times worse. Also, work sucks a lot more than usual and I've realized I'm done here. I have no emotional connection to it, no feeling of obligation or desire to do more. And I'm not the only one who feels that way - this just isn't the place it used to be to work. And all I get is more hours, more responsibility, guilty feelings if I take a whole hour for lunch or leave at five or actually stay home on a holiday. (I know, I'm such a slacker loser!) I guess this is made a bit worse by the fact that I don't actually know what I'd like to be doing, other than getting paid to blog and IM and sit in my pajamas.
And, I was being paranoid and suspicious and obsessive over EVERYTHING the guy I've been seeing would do or say. Then I finally realized that the man has a solid core of decency and even though he can be a cocky motherfucker at times, it amuses me when he is and the rest of the time he's gold.
Also, I haven't seen my dog in almost two weeks and I think my cat has feelings of abandonment and loneliness since I am never home. Otherwise, why would he sit on the pillow last night and claw my head? It's all my fault.
So all this stuff added together was just really getting to me a little. I wasn't sleeping well, had heartburn, stood in front of a microwave and thought of putting a foil-wrapped sweet potato into it and standing with my forehead pressed to the closed door and wait for the shrapnel to solve all my problems! I know this is not a smart option. Addictive substances are much better tools for dealing with problems.
Anyway, I'm feeling better, and it's the weekend (almost)! I just have to get through my six-months-evaluation without asking my boss, really, who gives a fuck? and then I'm home free.
That was really sweet.
I'm feeling much better now. I totally forgot that I was/am going thru nicotine withdrawal which makes everything bad about six hundred thousand times worse. Also, work sucks a lot more than usual and I've realized I'm done here. I have no emotional connection to it, no feeling of obligation or desire to do more. And I'm not the only one who feels that way - this just isn't the place it used to be to work. And all I get is more hours, more responsibility, guilty feelings if I take a whole hour for lunch or leave at five or actually stay home on a holiday. (I know, I'm such a slacker loser!) I guess this is made a bit worse by the fact that I don't actually know what I'd like to be doing, other than getting paid to blog and IM and sit in my pajamas.
And, I was being paranoid and suspicious and obsessive over EVERYTHING the guy I've been seeing would do or say. Then I finally realized that the man has a solid core of decency and even though he can be a cocky motherfucker at times, it amuses me when he is and the rest of the time he's gold.
Also, I haven't seen my dog in almost two weeks and I think my cat has feelings of abandonment and loneliness since I am never home. Otherwise, why would he sit on the pillow last night and claw my head? It's all my fault.
So all this stuff added together was just really getting to me a little. I wasn't sleeping well, had heartburn, stood in front of a microwave and thought of putting a foil-wrapped sweet potato into it and standing with my forehead pressed to the closed door and wait for the shrapnel to solve all my problems! I know this is not a smart option. Addictive substances are much better tools for dealing with problems.
Anyway, I'm feeling better, and it's the weekend (almost)! I just have to get through my six-months-evaluation without asking my boss, really, who gives a fuck? and then I'm home free.
posted by Natalie | 8:44 AM
4 Comments:
The dish? AWH!!
Be so proud of yourself for quitting smoking. And understand that relationships are hard, and nothing good comes easy. And realize that your animals will be fine, they are resiliant.
And if work was enjoyable they wouldn't call it work.
Take care.
I just stumbled in through Aughra's blog... I came here because I love the pic of you in your profile.
You have no idea how this post made me feel. I am hating my job lately as well. Mostly because we are being outsourced. My job moves to Scotland in July. I have a job through June, but I am sooooo not motivated to give a shit.
I do my job, but one of the things they hired me for last May was to make improvements in the processes they follow. At first it was great. I felt like a big contributer to our successes. Then they announced the move to Scotland. Now nothing motivates me. The only thing motivating me is a huge severance check that I'll get if I stick it out through June. I'm just treading water hoping nobody goes postal.
Thanks, Jon!
I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I know that the benefits of getting out will be huge, its just hard to do for some reason. That feeling of making a difference is so priceless and it sucks so bad when it's taken away. I'm sure you will find something great!
We'll get the dogs together soon...still gotta see if Duncan and Tigger will hit it off!
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