The Simple Life
Now that I'm all mentally stable, and can actually observe and think and remember - I mean, it's really fascinating how my memory is coming back. I will be talking making conversation and all of a sudden something I didn't know I remembered will come back. It's fun (mostly)!
Anyway - now that I can DO all those things again I'm able to sort through the different layers of life and see them for what they are instead of what I perceived them to be through a cloud of mania and defensiveness. Not that I'm old or anything, but now that I'm getting older I really appreciate the very simple things in life, or rather the way they make me feel. I've always been pretty down to earth but now - I don't know how to explain it, it's just now I really grasp what I enjoy, and not just because I don't have any money to do anything else. I like going outside and getting sweaty and dirty, and then taking a hot shower and getting all clean. It makes me feel like I'm a little kid again. I like going for walks and watching the sunset and baking. I like my hot cup of coffee in the morning. I like singing and art and writing and here's the best thing - I no longer feel like I have to be The World's Best at those things to do them. Before, it was like I thought.. "Well, I'm not fantastic at this, this or this so I'm just going to tuck it away because there's no point." What a lame way to think! Who cares if I'm great at it or not, it's part of what makes me, me.
I realize that my job doesn't define who I am or say that I'm a loser because it's not what I want to do. It's just something to pay the bills and I need to do it well and get there every day. I realize that I like for my house to be clean but that it's no big deal if it isn't. I realize that I really don't feel good or enjoy my time if I'm sleeping so much. I realize I don't need as much sleep as I was getting - and that Saturdays are a lot more fun spent doing anything, as long as there's a nap thrown in there somewhere. Hey, napping is part of who I am too! And I realize that maybe some mistakes I made or things I felt bad about, I did the right thing after all.
But I do still wish I could win the lottery.
Anyway - now that I can DO all those things again I'm able to sort through the different layers of life and see them for what they are instead of what I perceived them to be through a cloud of mania and defensiveness. Not that I'm old or anything, but now that I'm getting older I really appreciate the very simple things in life, or rather the way they make me feel. I've always been pretty down to earth but now - I don't know how to explain it, it's just now I really grasp what I enjoy, and not just because I don't have any money to do anything else. I like going outside and getting sweaty and dirty, and then taking a hot shower and getting all clean. It makes me feel like I'm a little kid again. I like going for walks and watching the sunset and baking. I like my hot cup of coffee in the morning. I like singing and art and writing and here's the best thing - I no longer feel like I have to be The World's Best at those things to do them. Before, it was like I thought.. "Well, I'm not fantastic at this, this or this so I'm just going to tuck it away because there's no point." What a lame way to think! Who cares if I'm great at it or not, it's part of what makes me, me.
I realize that my job doesn't define who I am or say that I'm a loser because it's not what I want to do. It's just something to pay the bills and I need to do it well and get there every day. I realize that I like for my house to be clean but that it's no big deal if it isn't. I realize that I really don't feel good or enjoy my time if I'm sleeping so much. I realize I don't need as much sleep as I was getting - and that Saturdays are a lot more fun spent doing anything, as long as there's a nap thrown in there somewhere. Hey, napping is part of who I am too! And I realize that maybe some mistakes I made or things I felt bad about, I did the right thing after all.
But I do still wish I could win the lottery.
posted by Natalie | 7:36 AM
2 Comments:
I've found that my job feels less like a prison sentence when I spend my free time indulging in things I enjoy. Then it can be JUST the way I earn money to pay for the important stuff.
Wow, so the anti-Ds are working well, huh? Good on ya.
Post a Comment
<< Home