Disorderly Conduct

(I'm sorry if all the articles links have been terribly annoying. Here's a real post to show my love)

I finally made it to the psychiatrist who turned out to be a very sweet older Indian lady. I had filled out a battery of questionnaires and then we talked and she honed right in on how I was feeling and what I was going through and most importantly, that it was getting worse with age.

In the end, she diagnosed me with what I was expecting: Bipolar Disorder (aka Manic Depression) II. The II means that I am not manic enough to be true Bipolar - I don't get those huge highs of mania where one might go out and buy, say, a yacht or adopt a lot of overseas orphans. But my moods do fluctuate in the pattern, more on the depressive side. I also have a panic disorder which I knew, and agoraphobia.

As much as I hated to hear that I'm Bipolar Girl, at least now I know what it is and we can find a good source of treatment so that it is all prevented and I can be my happy self. Because I AM a happy, upbeat, optimistic person.

So I'm easing off the Wellbutrin XL (I kind of hate to let it go) while I ease onto Lamictal very slowly. I'm also taking the lowest dose possible of Xanax to prevent the panic attacks and help me to adjust to the new medication. She warned me that this is not her standard procedure but that she felt it was what I needed. I am totally agreeing - I feel a bit uh - lethargic, I guess, but I'm still getting up and going to work, getting things done, and I prefer the lethargy to clenching my head in my hands trying not to scream.

So, we'll see!